Over the last year three years I’ve made huge outer and inner changes. Yes, it’s tough to change, especially at midlife, but doable and so worth it.

I ended a 25-year marriage, and I’m in a beautiful, new relationship with a man who loves, gets, and supports me. Plus, he’s smart, fun, spiritual, and a master gardener so there’s always an abundance of squash, tomatoes and kale.  I traded my 4,500 square foot suburban four flour monstrosity of a house for a smaller, groovy home on a romantic island. I’ve transformed my business – I’m working less, having more fun, making a bigger difference and experiencing substantial success. Basically, replaced midlife-crisis with a midlife oasis.

The thing I’m proudest of is my increase in self-worth, which is skyrocketing. Why?

For years, my self-worth was contingent on success (and being skinny, but that’s a different post). I was a workaholic who believed the harder I worked, the more successful I would become and the better I would feel about myself. Workaholism helped me avoid issues in my life that I didn’t want to deal with.

The problem was these beliefs and strategies weren’t working and certainly weren’t making me happy. Sometimes even when I worked hard success didn’t follow leaving me feeling stressed and depressed. So I’d work harder hoping I’d feel happy and end my cravings for love, recognition, money, comfort, success, abundance, and …

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. So I jumped off the treadmill, broke the hard-on-myself habit, and opened up to a new way of being. I learned to do three things to transform self-loathing into self-love. And you can too. Here’s what you can do:

1. Let go

I stopped trying to control everything and release the belief that I am in control of everything. What a relief! Honestly, the major thing you have control over is your energy and how you direct it. When you let the old, stale, negative thoughts go and focus on positive thoughts you generate uplifting emotions like love, joy, and gratitude. Not only do you feel better and more energized you attract positive opportunities and people into your life. It’s basic LOA (Law of Attraction) in action.

2. Relax and get grounded

As soon as I notice I’m pushing too much, trying to force things to happen, and feeling bad about myself, I relax. I take a break, get centered, reaffirm that I am worthy and shift my energy back to my happy place where hope and faith live.

These days my favorite way to do this is to get outside, step on the earth, and play frisbee with Rosie, my crazy, tree climbing Border Collie.

3. Trust

I affirm that I’m part of a bigger plan and I allow the Divine to unfold in my life. (It’s so much more fun and powerful to be in partnership with Goddess!)

The results: I am in flow – accepting and feeling deserving of the love, success and abundance I’ve always wanted yet until recently had difficulties manifesting. I live in a beautiful balance of dreaming and then creating what I want by moving forward joyfully with ease.

You can get off the rat race too and boost your self-worth. Doing so will greatly reduce your stress and make you excited to get up in the morning.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Tell yourself every single day: I am enough.
2. Stop focusing on lack and your deficiencies and labeling and judging yourself. (Doing so will just bring you more of the same.)
3. Treat yourself the way you would a good friend by focusing on self-love, self-care, and self-compassion.
4. Look for proof of your own self-worth and create situations that reinforce how fabulous you are.
5. Be patient. Release the belief that progress isn’t happening.

Don’t be scared to break old patterns and habits. Just like land stagnates when you plant the same old crops over and over again, your life can become stale when you repeat the same old patterns. Make a change in how you feel about yourself. You’ll discover life is working for your highest good, and you’ll find fresh freedom is your new security and serenity.

Ready to cultivate greater self-worth to help you realize that you can make your desires real? I have two openings left in October for Clarity Calls. Schedule yours HERE.