One of the quickest ways to shift to a positive, confident state is to stop ruminating. While we often think obsessively worrying about and fixating on problems will help us feel better, ruminating about the future leads to anxiety and ruminating about the past leads to depression.
To get unstuck from the black mind goo that’s wearing you out make a decision to stop ruminating. When you’re upset about your husband, your grumpy boss, the kids, your house or a looming deadline, make a choice to let go of your problems. Here are a three ways to do it:
- Write your problems away
Open up your journal and write down your thoughts and feelings about the situation. Writing will help you feel better and provide clarity about the issue so you can take solid steps to resolve it and avoid similar situations in the future.
- Practice Self-compassion
When you notice you’re ruminating, set an intention to be kind to yourself, rather than self-critical. Ask yourself: What do I need right now to feel warm and secure or how can I calm and comfort myself? Then give yourself what you need.
- Be mindful.
Become aware of your uncomfortable thoughts and just watch them come and go. Imagine they are dark clouds drifting across the sky. Remember, no mater how black things appear the sun is always shining.
With practice you can learn to let go of your obsessive thinking. As a result you’ll have more confidence and realize: 
A lot of the pain that we are dealing with are really only thoughts.
Known as The Midlife Whisperer™ Dr. Ellen is a Psychologist, Registered Dietitian, Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, Mindful Self-compassion Teacher, and author.
Excellent advice!
Thank you, Candace.
Useful tool for myself. I can get bogged down in negativity aimed at myself. Self care and nurture is the key to contentment.
Hi Linda-Jaine,
Glad you found it useful. It’s great that you’re realizing how you get bogged down and how self-care can help you feel content. Thanks for sharing!
Absolutely, thinking weigh someone down
I am so thankful for these practices Dr. Ellen! Prior to finally admitting my absolute powerlessness over my addiction to alcohol and the drug (for me at least) marijuana, I was completely obsessed with either my past ,which created severe depression, or I fixated on the uncertainty of the future, which generated enormous anxiety and stress. I underwent a radical transformation when one afternoon I was able to realize and accept that I needed help… What was amazing was that it was my Heart crying out for help, not my sick and diseased mind. It is from my Heart that my healing has begun. .It is from my Heart that I live my life today; in hope, in Peace and in Joy! The radical transformation is that my mind is quiet today and the obsession to drink is completely gone, a miracle I could never have dreamed possible! Thank you Dr. Ellen for your compassionate help on my Journey of realizing my true self!! Peace and Light, Kevin