Complaining, we all do it, often without even realizing it.
It’s too hot, cold or rainy outside.
The kids don’t listen, do their home or take out the trash.
My job is boring, stressful and doesn’t pay enough.
And Hubby, well he leaves the toilet seat up, forgets birthdays and anniversaries and …
Some days it feels like everything’s going wrong, and the only thing left to do is complain. And while it can help us bond with others who share our grief, rarely is complaining helpful. We’re stuck in a negativity loop that keeps us from addressing our problems and being open to opportunities and possibilities.
Complaining also prevents us from seeing and receiving miracles. As A Course in Miracles explains, “Each grievance stands like a dark shield of hate before the miracle it would conceal.”
You can stop complaining. You’ll be amazed at the results. Set an intention to go 24 hours without complaining. Next go a week and then 21 days!
Here are 9 tips to get you started.
- Be mindful
When you notice you’re starting to think or say something negative say something positive instead. For hints on how to limit your negative thoughts and beliefs click HERE
- Ditch the judgment
We’re trained to look at everything including ourselves as good or bad. You can retrain yourself to take a more neutral stance. When you notice you’re criticizing someone or something be kind instead. For example, if you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, notice something about yourself that you do like and give yourself a compliment. Remember, we’re all flawed and make mistakes. It’s part of the human condition.
- Vent Away
Okay, I know we’re trying not to complain, but giving yourself a small window to vent will help you blow off steam so you won’t complain during the rest of the day. Instead of letting the negativity build up, talk to a friend or therapist or spend 10-15 minutes journaling about everything that’s bothering you. Then let the complaints go.
- Exercise
Not only is exercise good for your body, it’s fantastic for your brain and emotional health. When you’re upset and frustrated exercising can help you distress and calm down.
Plus, exercise generates feel good chemicals called endorphins.
- Practice Self-compassion
Instead of complaining, when you’re upset treat yourself like you would a good friend. Ask yourself: What do I need to feel better right now and then do that! Read a book, see a movie you’ve been dying to watch, fix yourself a beautiful meal, get a massage or … Taking care of yourself will make you feel better and brighten your mood so you won’t feel like complaining.
- Be grateful
When you find yourself complaining count your blessings, not your blights. Talk about your joys!
- Focus on your strengths
We all have things that we’re good at. Make a list of what’s fantastic about you and use those strengths to help you solve the problems you tend to complain about. Be responsible for your actions and keep moving forward towards your goals and dreams.
- Accept your imperfections
No one is perfect. Our flaws and imperfections make us interesting and unique. So rather than complaining about them, accept and celebrate them.
- Find activities that make you happy
Set an intention to be happy and schedule activities that make your heart sing. When you do what makes you happy you simply won’t feel like complaining.
You’re in charge of your life. Everything you’ve done up until today resulted from choices and decisions you made. Pledge to stop complaining and watch your self- confidence soar and your life transform.
Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys. –Rita Schiano
Known as The Midlife Whisperer™ Dr. Ellen is a Psychologist, Registered Dietitian, Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, Mindful Self-compassion Teacher, and author.
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