Valentine’s Day is an interesting, often challenging holiday for many women. If you’re in love it’s heady, fun and exciting. If you’re not Valentine’s Day can be lonely, depressing and a painful reminder that no one’s bringing you flowers, chocolate and love’s perfect kiss. But the Hallmark holiday doesn’t have to be that way.
This Valentine’s Day fall in love with yourself. Make it more than just a day to show your love for others. Celebrate it as an opportunity to send love to YOU not just on February 14th, but on the other 364 days of the year. After all the number one relationship that determines the quality of all the other relationships in your life is your relationship with yourself.
Perhaps you’re thinking, “I don’t have time to love myself.” As women we’re programmed to put everyone and everything else first — the kids, our spouse, the house, the dog, our car, our career… By the end of the day we’re exhausted, and there’s no time or energy left for self-care and self-love.
I get it. I used to be last on my to-do list too, more likely to take out the garbage than take myself out for lunch. But then I started practicing self-compassion and scheduling in self-care. And here’s what I discovered: I was happier, my life felt balanced, and I had so much more energy that everything else just fell in place.
But isn’t self-love selfish or self-indulgent? That’s another misconception. As Anita Moorjani explains: “Selfishness comes from too little self-love not too much. When I’m being love, I don’t feel drained, and I don’t need people to behave a certain way in order to feel cared for or to share my magnificence with them. They’re automatically getting love as a result of me being my true self.”
Loving yourself doesn’t mean you prioritize your personal needs over those of others, but it also means that you don’t subordinate them. Including yourself in your circle of love and compassion multiplies love in your life and dissolves your sense of separation.
So drop the self-judgment and self-sacrifice and try something new this Valentine’s Day: Love yourself. Here are tips to get started.
Schedule Me Time
Take out your planner and block out at least three hours of time per week just for you. Take a dance, yoga or art class. Soak in the tub. Get a massage (you’ll raise your level of oxytocin, the love hormone), facial or mani-pedi, read a great book or watch your favorite movie. For more ideas click HERE.
Can’t figure out where to find the time for you? Motivate yourself: Make a list of all the things you want to with your free time. Next, analyze how you really spend your time. Keep a diary. Write down everything you do for a few days. Ask yourself what (or who) can I eliminate from my life? What can I ask others to do?
Then delegate. Hand over taking out the garbage, washing the dishes or walking the dog to your teenager. Ask you husband to cook dinner or pick up healthy take-out. Consider hiring a professional housecleaner once or twice a month to free up some of your priceless time. Or skip mopping the floors this week and just vacuum. Trust me no one but you will notice.
Love and accept yourself exactly as you are
The curious paradox is when I accept myself just as I am then I change. —Carl Rogers
When you constantly focus on lack – what’s wrong with you, your life, your body, your finances or… – you stay stuck in the energy of deficiency rather than creation, manifestation and abundance. All that negativity is like carrying an extra 50 pounds. It weighs you down with non-acceptance, blocks forward progress and causes resistance to the changes that you do want in your life.
Rather than judging and criticizing yourself, accept everything about you and your life flaws and all. Don’t wait until you have the perfect job, body, relationship or bank account to feel good about yourself. Today, right now you are wonderful. Feeling good in the present moment creates the energy to change for the better.
Get to know who you are, the dark and the light. Embrace and love all the repressed and lonely parts of yourself even those you may feel ashamed or scared of:
- The inner child who’s terrified to try something new because she’s scared of being hurt or failing.
- The people pleaser who says yes when she wants to say no.
- The self-saboteur that shows up every time you get close to success.
- The victim who spends endless hours in the pit of self-pity blaming and complaining about her life rather then joyfully creating a life she loves.
Become your own soul mate. Complete yourself. See yourself as worthy, wonderful and irresistible. Lacking absolutely nothing.
When you wake up on Valentine’s Day and everyday look yourself in the mirror, smile and repeat with feeling: HELLO GORGEOUS! Yes, you may feel silly, but you’ll feel good giving yourself the love and acceptance you need an deserve
Find your inner voice. Ask, What is my calling? What makes me unique and special? What gifts and talents do I bring to the world? Not sure? Ask God, Spirit or your Higher Self to show you. Then step back, listen and be open to your inner wisdom. (For more ways to amp up authenticity click HERE.)
If you are feeling frustrated at your current job it’s a sign that you are meant for more. That doesn’t mean you should quit your job, just start looking for something better that makes your heart sing. Volunteer, take a class or join a group that resonates with who you are on the deepest level. Trust that the Universe has something bigger and has planted you here to grow and glow. Follow your passion and you will find your purpose. (For ideas on finding your passion and purpose click HERE.)
If you aren’t in a relationship and want to be in one become the kind of woman that the partner you want in your life will attract. Be yourself. You want someone to love you for you. Work on the inner and outer aspects of yourself. How do you feel about yourself now? How would you like to feel about yourself? Shift to how you want to feel by being more joyful and positive.
Divine love is your birthright. You are love and you are loved. Open to give and receive love freely. There is no shortage.
See yourself as a transmitter and receiver of an infinite amount of life force energy. Visualize a beam of life radiating from your heart chakra in the center of your chest out into the world. Repeat this line from A Course in Miracles: “God is but Love, and therefore so am I.”
Have the courage to love and see yourself as the Divine soul you are. Live joyously with enthusiasm. Serve the world and inspire others by loving and having a great relationship with your self. You will feel whole and complete regardless of your relationships status.
Want help loving yourself? Click HERE to apply for a Transformation Coaching Session.